Directions: Post these rules on your refrigerator as a reminder of your commitment to care. Ask your child(ren) to let you
know if you forget any of the rules. Never reprimand your child(ren) when they give you this feedback.
“Dear Mom or Dad, I’m just a kid, so please…”
- DO NOT talk badly about my other parent. This makes me feel torn apart! It also makes me feel bad about myself!
- DO NOT talk about my other parent’s friends or relatives. Let me care for someone even if you don’t.
- DO NOT talk about the court case or other grown-up stuff. This makes me feel sick. Please leave me out of it!
- DO NOT talk about money or child support. This makes me feel guilty as though I’m a possession instead of your kid.
- DO NOT make me feel bad when I enjoy my time with my other parent. This makes me afraid to tell you things.
- DO NOT block my visits or prevent me from speaking to my other parent on the phone. This makes me very upset.
- DO NOT interrupt my time with my other parent by calling too much or by planning my activities during our time together.
- DO NOT argue in front of me or on the phone when I can hear you! This just turns my stomach insideout!
- DO NOT ask me to spy for you when I am at my other parent’s house. This makes me feel disloyal and dishonest.
- DO NOT ask me to keep secrets from my other parent. Secrets make me feel anxious.
- DO NOT ask me questions about my other parent’s life or about our time together. This makes me uncomfortable, so just let me volunteer to tell you.
- DO NOT give me verbal or written messages to deliver to my other parent. I end up feeling anxious about their reaction. So please just call them, leave them a message at work, or put a note in the mail for them personally.
- DO NOT blame my other parent for the court case or for things that go wrong. This really feels terrible! I end up wanting to defend them from your attack. I just want to be a kid. So please, please, PLEASE stop putting me into the middle!
- DO NOT treat me like an adult. It causes way too much stress for me. Please find a friend or therapist to talk with.
- DO NOT use guilt to pressure me to love you more than my other parent and do not ask me where I want to live.
- DO let me love both of you and see each of you as much as possible!
- DO be flexible even when it is not part of our regular schedule.